About the Author
Dale Carnegie, the author of How to win friends and influence people needs no introduction. He was an American writer and lecturer. A genius who is credited for the development of courses in self-improvement, public speaking, interpersonal, and other soft skills.
Summary
The book is divided into four parts: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People, Six Ways to Make People Like You, How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking and Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment.
Part 1: Basic Techniques in Handling People
In the first part, Carnegie emphasizes the importance of understanding people’s desires and motivations, showing respect and appreciation, and avoiding criticism and confrontation.
- Don’t criticize, condemn or complain
- Give honest and sincere appreciation
- Arouse in the other person an eager want
Part 2: Six Ways to Make People Like You
In the second part, he suggests ways to make people like you, such as showing genuine interest in them, smiling, listening actively, and using their names. The broad points covered are:-
- Become genuinely interested in other people
- Smile
- Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
- Be a good listener
- Talk in terms of the other person’s interests
- Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely
“Only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind.”
Part 3: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
In the third part, Carnegie discusses how to persuade and influence others by appealing to their interests, presenting ideas in a way that aligns with their values, and using stories and metaphors to make a point.
- The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
- Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
- If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
- Begin in a friendly way
- Get the other person to say, “yes, yes” immediately
- Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
- Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers
- Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view
- Be sympathetic to the other person’s ideas and desires
- Appeal to the nobler motives
- Dramatize your ideas
- Throw down a challenge
Part 4: Be a Leader—How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Rousing Resentment
Finally, in the fourth part, he provides advice on how to lead and inspire others, including praising people for their strengths, admitting your own mistakes, and giving others a sense of ownership and autonomy. The nine crucial aspects are:-
- Begin with praise and honest appreciation
- Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
- Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
- Let the other person save face
- Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
- Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
- Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
- Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest
“To be interesting, be interested.”
Review
“When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”
This timeless classic has sold millions of copies worldwide. The book is pretty much timeless and is still relevant.
This was really the world’s first self-help book and undoubtedly helped many people build their self-esteem. It is easy to read and its tenants are easy to follow.
The one criticism that many have justly laid on it is the feeling that you are manipulating people into being your friends or accomplices (thus the “win” in the title). As such, the techniques work with a subpopulation of people you run into throughout your life nut certainly not all of them. And true friendships are about depth and mutual respect so no techniques are required.
Carnegie provides real-world examples of successful people who have applied these principles in their own lives, making the book both relatable and actionable.
It focuses on empathy and understanding. Carnegie emphasizes the importance of putting yourself in other people’s shoes and seeing things from their perspective.
It is a must read for everyone.
